Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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