Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
