This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
