So drunk, too bad you don't want this
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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