I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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