I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
