the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
