I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
