Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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