When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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