Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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