If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
