OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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