While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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