There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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