I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
