I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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