Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
