You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
