I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
