i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
