I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
