Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
