Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
