nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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