When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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