On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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