Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
