Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
