Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sext me about skeletons
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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