How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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