guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
