You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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