It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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