Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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