Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
