booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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