If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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