you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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