At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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