How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
