I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
