she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
