with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
