I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
