VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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