Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
