No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
