I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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