Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
