I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
